Harry is Just Too Clingy
by Sapphyre Phoenix
Summary: Dumbledore has had enough of Harry Potter who is always annoying him with complaints of his scar and bad dreams. Dumbledore spends a sleepless contemplating his options and finally settles on the most drastic, but most nescessary: Death. So he turns to th
1. Snape is Summoned

Dislcaimer: I do not possess any of these characters. J.K. Rowling thought them up. She also thought up many of these scenes, I'm just manipulating them to suit my authorial interests.

**Author's Notes: My friend and I came up with this story after reading an editorial on Veritaserum that claimed that Snape was innocent. Ya, right. Dumbledore totally _asked _Snape to kill him. We both think that's total BS so we came up with the idea for this story and I'm executing it. Have fun!

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Dumbledore was pacing around his office, apparently mulling over a new idea of his. On a pedestal a few feet away was perched Fawkes, watching his benefactor argue with himself over this recent enlightenment. Every few minutes the elderly headmaster would shake his head, causing his long silvery beard to shiver down its length, and mutter to himself.

"No that won't do at all! He could easily figure out what I was doing and stop me before I could get away."

Dumbledore's steady flow of mutterings continued through the late hours of night to the early hours of morning until, as the darkness was fading and the horizon emitted a faint pinkish glow, Dumbledore collapsed on his chair at his desk looking thoroughly disheveled, but rather smug, like he had finally figured out a way to conduct whatever activity he had been musing about all night.

"I think we might actually be able to pull this off," Dumbledore quietly said to himself "This just… might… work."

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The headmaster of Hogwarts was not the only awake at such unreasonable hours. A student of admirable quality was bolt upright in his four poster bed while staring down at a rather old and worn sheet of parchment. This boy, or adolescent actually, with jet black hair just sat there unmoving except for his emerald eyes, that darted back and forth as if reading the same line of a book over and over again. For hours the young man stayed there watching that crinkly piece of parchment until finally he sighed and folded it, climbed out of his bed and opened his trunk to replace the map inside it. After he had closed the lid of the trunk and slid back into bed under his downy scarlet comforter, he said to no one in particular in the dark, 

"I wish Dumbledore would tell me what's bothering him. He seems so distant these days. I'm sure I could help him figure out whatever his problem is. It must be really important if he spent all night thinking about it. I hope he calls me to his office to ask my opinion about it. I really want to help!"

And with that Good Samaritan statement, Harry promptly fell asleep.

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It was late in the evening, almost 11 o'clock when Dumbledore summoned Snape to his office. The halls were deserted as the former Potions master, now Defense Against the Dark Arts professor, made his way through the dark corridors. 

"I don't see what he means calling me like this to his office at this hour. It had better not be another one of those secret no-students-allowed after hours staff parties. I do not want to see Hagrid in a thong again. Even one of Weasley's potions would be more pleasurable to see that that. And who knew that Professor Flitwick could drink more than his weight in firewhisky?"

Snape arrived at the entrance to the headmaster's office and spoke the password tentatively. The gargoyle sprang to life and jumped aside to reveal the spiraling staircase that led to Dumbledore's office. Snape ascended the steps and climbed them slowly, straining his ears to hear any music or drunken laughter coming from the door above him. When he got level to the oak door he pressed his ear against it only to hear silence. No champagne bottles popping, no roaring laughter as Hagrid danced to Black-Eyed Peas, no drunken giggles or the sound of Sybil Trelawny predicting the doom of the whole school if they didn't drink the entire bottle of sherry she had brought with her in 3 minutes or less. So he straightened his sooty robes and knocked on the door. It swung open to reveal Albus Dumbledore standing next to Fawkes' perch stroking the birds gold and ruby plumage.

"You wished to me, Headmaster." Snape said to announce his arrival.

"I did indeed, Severus. I have another task for you, but one that you won't have to complete for several months." He stopped to look at Snape to see how he was reacting. When he saw that Snape was picking on an escaped thread, he went on. "I'm so sick of this. Of HIM! I need to get out, away!"

At this Snape looked up. Dumbledore had never acted like this before. He must really be frustrated to be talking like that. This was going to be a very interesting conversation. Snape felt like he was going to learn some things about Dumbledore that would make for satisfying black mail. Oh yes, this would totally beat thinking of new disgusting detentions for Potter and Weasley.

"Headmaster, you're sounding suicidal. What could possibly be making you so frustrated with life or… wait… who's 'HIM'?" asked Snape as he realized that Dumbledore was on his last nerve with someone, not life. "Is it the Dark Lord?"

"No, no, no. It's not him. I enjoy my little encounters with him. You see, I always win so it gives me a confidence boost! It's like with celebrities they wear a dress made of fabric that was made by underprivileged children in Mongolia or jewelry by women in Kenya so that they get good publicity which makes them feel like they've contributed to the world. When I beat Voldemort's sorry arse, it makes me feel like I've accomplished something. No, it's not Voldemort. It's HARRY!"


	2. Snape has a Diary?

Disclaimer: I did not come up with any of these characters. They all belong to J.K. Rowling (lucky #&!). I did however think of this story and dialogue.

**Author's Notes: This is my favorite chapter! Dumbledore's monologue is what my friend and I made up. This is the short version with the funny stuff. Enjoy!

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With Dumbledore threw himself into his chair and put his face in his hands. Snape looked at him with thorough bewilderment. Harry? Potter? He had always been Dumbledore's favorite. Dumbledore's man through and through. What had made Dumbledore change his mind? Seeing the look of astonishment on Snape's face, Dumbledore started to explain himself, but with a tone of agony and desperation in his voice, one that Snape had never heard before.

"You see, he's such a whiner! mocking baby voice _'Aahh! My scar hurts! I had a bad dream! Help me Dumbledore, I had a bad dream that made my scar hurt!'_ Gawd, get a warm glass of milk and go back to bed! It's not my fault Voldemort tried to kill you as a baby but killed your parents instead. I mean, the first time it was sad, pitiful actually, to see him come to school with horrible clothes, a miserable expression, and no friends. I felt like a good person to help him out and make him feel welcome to the school by letting him come to me whenever he needed to. But I only meant for it to be for the first few weeks, not the rest of his life! Gosh, have you _seen_ the way he _clings_ to me! It's like he's a leech that can't get enough of my blood! The first couple of times he got into trouble but eventually saved the school, it was cute, heroic even. But then it just got old. _'Oh look, there comes Harry out of the maze. What? He saw the Dark Lord? Well, what do you expect? He needed a really dramatic exit from the maze. Seeing the Dark Lord is just so convenientisn't it?'_ Are you seeing a pattern?

"He just doesn't stop! And he always has to turn to me for help. Why can't he bug you or Lupin or something? Last year I tried to give him the cold shoulder to see if he'd get the hint, but noooo, he thinks that just because his godfather got Avada Kedavra-ed I'm going to become sympathetic and chummy again. You know, I tried to understand him last year and opened up to him the truth to let him know that his life is gonna pretty much suck so he needs to stop ruining mine at the same time. And what does he do when I try to be all understanding and sympathetic? HE TRASHES MY OFFICE! He starts throwing things and yelling in my face and ruining all my possessions. That is not the way to get back on someone's good side. And it didn't help that his breath could use a tic-tac.

"What about that time that he went into my pensieve? Those are private thoughts. You've experienced that too, right Severus? He went into your private thoughts last year too. You had every right to throw him out of your office. See, he just doesn't learn. Well I'm sick of him. Severus, do an old man a favor and just _kill me!_" After this long monologue of ranting he finally got to the point and looked up at Snape.

Snape just stood there relishing the moment. Dumbledore was asking him to kill him! It was the best day of his life. Oh this was totally going in his diary. Snape took a deep calming breath and said,

"Sir, what you ask of me isn't easy. I'm putting myself in great danger already with the Dark Lord by being a spy. If I killed you then everyone would believe that I am an actual Death Eater, not that you asked me to kill you."

"Severus, I'm begging you!" at this Snape smiled delightedly to himself, "Please put me out of my misery. I promise that I'll make it so that you are not caught. I have this all planned out. I'll go somewhere with Harry that night, I haven't decided where but I'll think of that, and you can put the Dark Mark over the Astronomy Tower. When Harry and I get back we'll see the mark and rush to the Tower. There I will stun Harry, who will be under his invisibility cloak, and then I'll pretend like I can't believe you're about to kill me but you do. Then you can run away while Harry is still numb from the shock that his mentor/obsession is dead. Perfect, eh?" Dumbledore finished reciting his plan. Snape had to admit, with a little more preparation it could truly work. And, oh, the satisfaction of killing the man he despises. Won't the Dark Lord be pleased! He'll be honored beyond his wildest dreams.

"What you're asking of me is horrible, but I know you're pain and am surprised that I haven't thought of this before for myself. I would be honored to be the wizard who relieves you of your misery.Now I must excuse myself because you have left me very stunned and weak at the knees, I admit. I must retire and mull over this new task."

"Of course, Severus. Thank you! Thank you! You have put me at such ease, now, knowing that my miseries shall soon be over. I'll sleep easily now, for I know such joy! But be careful not to reveal this plot to anyone, not anyone." Instructed Dumbledore.

"I wouldn't dream of such a thing. Goodnight, Headmaster," bade Severus as he turned to leave.

"Goodnight Severus"

Severus walked calmly out of Dumbledore's office and continued his pace until he was off the stairway and past the gargoyle. When he turned a corner he quickenedhis step and sprinted down the halls to his office in the dungeon. When he locked the door behind him he threw himself stomach first onto his bed and pulled out a sparkly fluffy pink diary with a matching pen attached to it. Snape frantically pulled off the pen and began scribbling furiously the night's events into its pages.


End file.
